Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Earth-friendly fail

I found this website a while ago that told me that there are maybe-toxic chemicals in things like my shampoo and shower cleaner and most everything else I use, eat and own. Since then I've been on sort of a green kick. Did you know you can clean your house with nothing but vinegar? I didn't, until several websites for food companies that peddle vinegar told me so!

Did you also know that you can just straight-up stop using shampoo? And that you can just make your own deodorant and shit? Like out of baking soda? What a world, am I right? So I wondered, since my conditioner is apparently causing "immunotoxicity," can you just make that, too? Internet hippies say yes. Here are the more surprising options. Keep an open mind.

"Mmmm...egg salad."
Option 1
Calls for: 1 sm jar REAL mayo, 1/2 an avocado
Smush these together. Smooth into your hair. Leave it there -- no, seriously, -- for 20 minutes. You're supposed to wear a shower cap, hopefully that would keep you from vomiting continuously for 20 minutes from the smell.

Option 2
That last one wasn't a joke. Neither is this one.
Calls for: 1/2 c REAL mayo. Nothing else.
Use as directed above. No, I'm serious.

Option 3
Calls for: 1 tsp baby oil, 1 egg yolk, 1/2 c water
Mix. Put on your head. Rinse out right away, mercifully. Who are these people that just sit around conditioning their hair for a half hour?

Option 4
Calls for: xanthan gum or guar gum
Right, so fuck this one.

Option 5
Just pour a beer through your hair.

I guess I have guilt about buying products with bad chemicals. But you know what would really make a sick feeling form in the pit of my stomach? If I were wasting beer because I was pouring it out in the shower. We don't waste that shit, not in my house. That's sick. And there it is, I got the self-satisfied feeling of superiority I was hoping to get as a result of all this go-green research. Thanks, internet!

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