Thursday, November 25, 2010

Insufficient Fare Monday Movie Club On Thursdays: Booty Call

I have a confession to make.

I did not watch all of Booty Call. But in my defense, it's really, really bad. Not even amusingly so.

At first I thought, "Well, as a man who's had some bad dates, I think I can relate to the trials and tribulations of a blind date going awry. Possibly there's going to be a subplot where a gang gets involved and then some dancing. I'd like to see that."

I didn't see anything like that. It's just Jamie Foxx mugging and wearing some admittedly cool beaded braids, Vivica A. Fox looking hot, and two other people. There were no crazy crime shenanigans, only one lame dance scene, and a really, really gay Chinese waiter. Booty Call, why hast thou forsaken me?

This is as far as I got before giving up. I chose to think of Foxx's O face as the "climax" of the film.



So, I'm sorry. I just could not finish this one. Next time, I'll pick a good movie that I will watch the whole way through. After the jump, my score card and a list of things n-words be saying to get the pussy.



 SCORECARD
  • Strong sexual content but no nudity? - -10 points 
  • Eye bleeding title screens (purple text on bright green) - -5 points
  • Dude wearing a hat and vest with no shirt playing craps - +10 points for realism in portrayal of The Ghetto
  • Jamie Foxx's beaded braids - +5 points
  • Bunz regarding asian ladies: "I don't mind having a little rice krispies on my plate, cuz that means she knows how to pan fry that noodle" - +5 for wit, -5 for racism
  • Reference to Dr. Dre, despite being in New York - -5 points
  • Gay Asian waiter saying "Oh, nigga preeeease" - +5 point
  • "Tarantula haired fool" in reference to Foxx - +5 points
  • Foxx's date knows all about the chinatown Triads - -3 points
  • Foxx and Fox bonding by cussing the waiter out in Chinese - +5 points
  • Going from the club back to an apartment to play cards - -15 points
  • Card game devolving into an argument about "coochie cobwebs" and some girls being whores - +10 points
  • Foxx's nasty ass feet all covered in bunions and shit - +5 points because foot care is some serious issue and I thank Booty Call for bringing it to the nation's attention
  • Tiny dog licks a woman's foot and she thinks it's a man and comes close to orgasm - -10 points
  • Same dog gives Foxx a rimjob through his pants and he enjoys it heartily - +10 points
  • Rhinocerii fucking on TV - +5 points
  • Awful Jesse Jackson impression while having clothes-on "sex"- -5 points
  • Vivica A. Fox's breasts (at least, Vivica A. Fox's sideboobs) - +100 points, no more scoring needed

THINGS N-WORDS BE SAYING TO GET THE PUSSY IN BOOTY CALL
  • "If I get you some lobster and some Moet, you know what's happening next? I'm going deep sea diving."
  • "My dick is only 2 inches... from the ground."
  • "If you don't put out the smoke, me and my boy won't be getting any pussy tonight." (In Chinese, to the Triad boss)
  • "If I had a girl I was going out with for 7 weeks, you know what she'd be doing? Playing the meat flute. Riding the baloney pony. Eating some tube steak..." (continues ad nauseam)
  • "Woman, mind your business!" (I think...) 
  • Impressions of Michael Jackson and Jesse Jackson, among others.
  • "Yeah, I got a condom."
Well, happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Spend it doing anything but watching Booty Call.



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