Monday, November 8, 2010

From The Bad Idea File Of Mr. J. Schechner

I try to keep track of all my ideas, both good and bad. One of these piles is kept in an accordion file, and the other in a manila envelope. Today, just for you guys, I'm digging deep into the accordion and pulling out ideas I've rejected.

Idea: Dr. Dog, M.D.
He's a dog... but also a doctor! In this hour-long television drama, Dr. John "Woofson" Dog works to not only cure patients, but prove that you don't need opposable thumbs to save lives. John's relationship with his boss, Dr. Angelica Dupre, is full of romantic tension... BUT HE'S NEUTERED!
Reason For Rejection (RFR): Apparently there's a band called Dr. Dog. So then I thought I'd call it Dog, M.D., but then people would think it's a parody of House. And it's not. It's a serious television drama about a dog who solves medical mysteries through barking.

Idea: Tiny bowler hats for cats
Self-explanatory. Put a bowler hat on a cat, and, boom! He's like a little furry financier from London. God save the Queen, the pound, and the catnip! Pip, pip, cherrio!
RFR: As you might be able to tell, I mostly just wanted to put a hat on my cat. It's very hard to find financing when all you have is a small hat and an arm covered in cat scratches.
Like this, but a bowler hat.
 Idea: Applying For a Job Where The Qualification Was "Passion For Porn"
 As far as I could tell from the CraigsList ad, this job would've entailed looking at pornography, writing descriptions of said pornography, and getting paid $20K a year.
RFR: Oh, let me count the ways: What if porn loses all appeal to me? How hard would it be to explain to women on dates what I do at work without seeming like a huge creep? What if it made me a huge creep? Why would I do it for so little money? Do I really want to identify as someone with a "Passion For Porn"? Answers: Scary, very hard, scarier, no reason, no.

Like this, but in a car.
Idea: Drive-Thru Divorce Store
You pull up to the board and order a divorce. Choose from one of the many combos available, including settlement, nasty drama filled hateful divorce or annulment!
RFR: Couldn't get a McDonald's to sell me space in their drive through. Also, the dissolution of marriage in this country is not a joke. If you laughed at this item, please go to a godless nation like Puerto Rico or Canada.

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