Friday, October 1, 2010

Strategic tabbery: How to keep the job that you want to leave

Since my plan to find a new job has been stalled, I've decided I'm just going to get better at this one....Better at not doing it, that is!

My desk is set up such that my boss can constantly supervise my computer activity. This means that while she's in the office, generally two- to three-quarters of a normal workweek, I have to be very stealthy about my online browsing. If you find yourself in the same situation, here are some tips in case you're caught...:

1. shopping for clothes: Adopt an affected intonation and tell her you were inspired by her dress from last night's event. "When I saw you come out in that Dolce print, I simply had to know how many weeks' salary it would take for me to afford it! Wouldn't you just die if I told you it was eight?" Laugh heartily and offer her coffee.

2. reading Gawker: Pretend that you just read something very intellectual and relevant. "Did you hear that the Gowanus Canal is rising and may become a flood risk? If you still lived in Brooklyn where you grew up that would be terrible news!" Shake your head in dismay and offer her coffee. Upon realizing you're all out of soy milk, make a trip to Food Emporium. Try not to think about your Bachelor's degree.

3. watching videos of animals: Discuss the incomparably cute [pug/Corgi/bunny/slow loris] in terms of how it's inferior to her dog. "Yes, I've always found Afghan hounds to be superior canines, too. I use 'canine' in the sense that one uses 'film' instead of 'movie' to describe the work of Marion Cotillard.'" Hand her a coffee, and offer to pick up her dog's poop.

Think about your Bachelor's degree. A lot.

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