Monday, August 23, 2010

Awful Jobs

So I've been out of work for the past month or so. As a result, I'm spending a lot of time checking the personal ads to figure out where the opportunities are.


It's not been working so well.


On the other hand, I have gotten a sense of jobs I don't want to take. Sure, they might seem glamorous but, well... take a look.


Ninja
Now, I know what you're thinking. "Who wouldn't want to be a ninja? This kid's a moron, but so handsome at the same time!" Thank you for the compliment; however, being a ninja wouldn't be as much fun as you think. You can't speak, you spend all day running along rooftops, and unless you're lucky enough to be a heroic ninja, you're relegated to nameless goon territory. The only job skills you'll develop there are circling around the hero, waiting for him to beat you up one by one. Try finding a future there, man. Also, the pay is atrocious - just a rice ball a day. Can't invest that in your 401k!


The Guy Who Determines When A Video Goes "Viral"
I don't know if this position actually exists. I might've just dreamed it up after drinking an entire box of wine. But, think about it. Every day thousands of videos of groin hits, cat attacks, cute baby stuff, and deadly accidents are uploaded to popular website YouTube. How do they determine which ones go viral? Obviously some poor sap has to sit there and watch them all. The nastiest injuries... the cutest baby animals... all running together until you see this:


You then shout "Stop the presses!" and yank the Viral lever, shutting down the YouTube factory. What? You say that "viral" is a status determined by viewers? Maybe in nObama's socialist hellhole. We don't cotton to that talk here.


Blogger
Oh... shit.


Guy In The Background Of A Rap Video, Waving His Hands Like He Just Don't Care

Nuff said.

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