Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Most Disney villains are queers

I had this realization a while back that every single Disney villain looks, acts, and sounds either unconvincingly female or curiously effeminate for a man in a kid's movie. No, I'm serious. With a few notable exceptions, like Gaston and the Huns in "Mulan," Disney villains appear to be drag queens or men who seem like they might be one of them homoseckshulls. What does it say about our society that our children's movie villains are primarily characters outside heteronormative gender roles? That's for people with more book learnin' than me to ponder. But regardless, this trend is so ubiquitous that there are in fact different categories of Disney queers, named below.

Queens who pass
The Evil Queen of "Snow White," pictured here, is just a little too flat and a little too broad-shouldered to escape looking questionable after scrutiny. And the nun headscarf look makes me wonder if she has nothing to wear because she hasn't been wig shopping in a while. Overall, however, the Evil Queen looks like a lady if you don't think about it too hard. Other Disney "women" to fall into this category are Lady Tremaine, also known as Cinderella's evil stepmother, and the witch from "Sleeping Beauty." Who apparently has a name: Maleficent. Looking over these pictures, it's pretty clear they've all drawn on their brows, too, and got a little carried away. But overall, they look pretty good.

Queens who don't quite pass
In this category we find mostly aging queens who are getting a little rough around the edges. Prime example: Yzma here from "The Emperor's New Groove," maybe the most underrated Disney movie there is. The feathers are a lot, the eyelashes are too much, and her tits, such as they are, are out of control. (All links safe for work. It's Disney.) Other characters that fit the bill here include Cruella De Vil. Jury's out on Ursula, since she's convincing neither as an octopus nor a woman.

Queens who forgot their drag when they shot the movie
This category is pretty much exclusively for Jafar. Honestly, look at him. The beard. The eyebrows. The mannerisms. The cattiness. I think Jafar would really rather be a lady. At least that way his precious stone and Arab antique collecting would be a lot less questionable.

Sub-category: ????
Here we find Mad Madame Mim from "The Sword and the Stone." It's unclear what's going on with her.

Really effeminate male big cats
Why, yes, it is weird that this is a whole category. Scar here is the poster boy for villain big cats who are a little light in their loafers. When he takes the stage for his big number he puts on a hell of a show. Lights, smoke machine, backup dancers, his mane blowing in the wind from an off-camera source. Then fast forward to the climactic battle scene at the end of the film and you find that Scar and Simba essentially bitchslap each other until Scar falls off a cliff. No really, watch it again. It's almost not a fight. Here it is, in Finnish for some reason, if you're curious. And Scar's not the only one. Shere Khan from "The Jungle Book" seems a little limp-wristed as well. And in "Robin Hood," Prince John, a pox on him, the phony King of England, isn't even manly enough to have a full mane. And usually just stands there shrieking for his guards to kill the film's protagonist.

So there you have it. For our nation's children, the face of evil is drag queens and gay big cats. No wonder "RuPaul's Drag Race" is only on Logo.


Me said...

So funny and so TRUE! Love it.

PS this is Megan

L. said...

Ahaha, I love that this says "Me said..."

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