Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Dropping Science Once Again

The science fair is a time-honored tradition for American youth. Making fun of science fair projects is a time-honored tradition for me.
Project Title: Ants
Scientist: Kool-Aid Man
Notes: You can tell this kid wants to be the queen. Ha, ha, ha. Gay joke!

Project Title: Are You My Mother?
Scientist: A kid who should really be asking this question to a group of Sasquatches
Notes: I think his tie is like a dog's tail. When he thinks he's found his mother, it starts wagging! Either that or he's decided to take fashion advice from Dilbert.

Project Title: Chocolate Chip Cookies
Scientist: Not pictured - possibly out buying more Chips Ahoy!
Notes: I've never seen a more blatant attempt at bribery, or one that makes me hungrier.

Project Title: Does Age Affect Price?
Scientist: Completely unaware of the innuendo going on behind her
Notes: Let's... let's just move on.

Project Title: Space: The Fatal Frontier (year 2)
Scientist: Won 1st prize at the Texas State Space Science Fair or something like that, which is impressive for a home schooled child
Notes: What the hell was Year 1 about? Was that before space was fatal? Space: The Not Very Healthy Frontier?

Project Title: Why Does Mom Say "Eww" to Yogurt In My Lunch?
Scientist: Holding up her trophy for "Best Backtalk To Authority Figure (Female)"
Notes: As always, I wish I knew what the bar graphs behind this girl represent. Maybe they're different flavors? "On the right, you can see that Lemon and Raspberry yogurt only got a ranking of 'yuck'. Strawberry, on the left, went all the way to the coveted 'Eww' rating."

Project Title: oh shit that wasn't supposed to be uploaded this one is private okay just forget you saw it

Project Title: If Germs Were Glitter
Scientist: Probably a Twilight fan
Notes: I'm on Team Germ, for what it's worth. Why is everything a team nowadays, anyhow? Can't a guy go anywhere without being reminded of sports, and in turn his complete lack of athletic prowess?

Project Title: Go Ball!
Scientist: Wishes he was a little bit taller and had a girl who looked good (he'd call her)
Notes: This kid is trying to explain to the judge what it means to Ball. Consider that it looks like the last time the judge balled was at the coronation dance of George III, it's going to be a long explanation. For those who don't get the previous joke, here's the summary: He (the judge) old.

Project Title: That Will Leave A Stain!
Scientist: A young girl
Notes: Why can't we have an 18 and over science fair full of projects with titles like this? There comes a point when even I start feeling dirty.

"Some dudes won't go down but a lot of them would
I know this nigga named Eat-it-out, he like to eat it out
I just cooked in the crib and he still want to eat it out (Damn!)"
- Remy Martin, "Yeah Yeah Yeah

SPECIAL RETRO PICTURE TO PLAY US OUT

Project Title: Robots Achievement Of The Decade
Scientist: Wearing my goddamn prom outfit, that bitch
Notes: It kinda looks like that robot is trying to kill her. I guess that would be robot's achievement of the decade.


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