Friday, June 18, 2010

A commentary on aging

Recently I turned twenty-three, an age with absolutely no significance whatever. But in my head, it's spurred a crisis of sorts. No longer can I cling to collegedom or teenagership. Instead of a perpetual hormonal imbalance, I can only indulge my mood swings a meager five days per month. The heady perfume of youth has surrendered to the fetid breath of Time, and I am given over to miring in a bog of middle age. Still, because I find myself complaining too much on here I've made a list of the pros and cons.

Pro: You can eat all the candy you want.
Con: You actually understand of how bad candy is for you. Especially when you have to take a bus home every time you want to see the dentist because you're still on your mom's health insurance because your stupid job doesn't offer "benefits" and you had to work on MLK Day, even!

I want six of these. Or at least the means to purchase and display them.

Pro: You have the freedom to do anything you want, whenever you want.
Con: You have no money to do anything you want, and won't be financially stable until your late thirties. Enjoy being "entry level" for the next six years.

Pro: You get to live on your own, and from decorating to drinking to sex-having, you choose what to spend your money on.
Con: Your bedroom is the size of your parents' mudroom, but still manages to smell worse thanks to the Chinese restaurant below it. You promise yourself that next year you'll think twice before moving in next to a methadone clinic, even if it is in "The LES." You actually envy people who have the space to stencil their bathrooms and collect porcelain roosters from yard sales.

Pro: You've outgrown that awkward phase.
Con: ...but your family still remembers it, and their idea of positive reinforcement is saying, "You look good now!"

Pro: Well, at least you have your health.
Con: Except sometimes you inexplicably develop arthritis the week after graduation, which is a really bad look considering you're still on the same acne medication from five years ago.

High school reunion, here we come!

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